You are late-sleepy relaxation, the half-awake moment when you realize it's morning, but you don't have to get up, because there's no place you have to be. You are that cozy spot under the covers where everything feels temporarily perfect, even if you know you'll eventually have to wiggle out and start the day. Maybe you're the artistic type, who doesn't function well on a normal schedule. Sleep's important to you, and you like the freedom of sleeping as late as you want (especially since that is closely related to the freedom to stay up as late as you want). You like to roll out of bed, put on some comfy clothes, and get a laid back start to the day. If not everything on your list gets accomplished, no worries. Your only priority is having no priorities – you just want to take things at a slow, mellow pace.

i cried.. no balled my eyes out this morning (last night to me)
i threw up after going about 30 hours without sleep
and i asked min (korean roommate) if she had any medicine but she was going on prattling to her friend on the phone
per usual she didnt have the decency to listen to me
i stormed out (mind you its like 2 am) and slammed the door hard behind me angrily stalking into the bathroom
to resume brushing my teeth
and i started cursing and ally came over to ask what was wrong and as i was ranting i felt tears well up
and they just exploded
and then ally petted me and i ran into the bathroom stall to get away from the petting
and then rachel (white roommate) comes in to ask whats wrong and
she was talking to me in the calm way she does
and when i finally open the door she comes in and hugs me
and i just cry even harder
then i push her away because it feels waaay to melodramatic
and i cant sleep in our room because i dont even want to see min's face at that moment
so i try to sleep outside
but min comes out and asks whats wrong
and i tell her to leave me alone
but the girl wont leave
and keeps prodding
and i tell her not to mind it because its none of her business
not to mind it because its what shes good at doing
and once she finally leaves because i tell her to
i start crying all over again
because i start thinking of all the times
its always been like this
and its my philosophy on life
and its dark and i have so much crap inside of me
i expect to be alone
i am alone
i make it so that i am alone
and theres no one i feel like
its all lies and no one is truly there for me
and there will never be anyone for me
and i cried even harder because God is always there
I know
but ive always wanted something more tangible...more warm
i need something i can hold and something that can hold me
and i can't see that happening
any time in my life
and i cant expect it
and i laughed bitterly at God's selfishness
or at least thats what i percieved it as at that moment

and then i woke
and the world seemed normal again
the night before a passing dream
and i didnt want to relive it
and i thought i was okay
and pushed my feelings deep inside myself again
living my life the way i have until now
and after showering i burrowed under my covers
in my own bed
and slept for a long long time
but when i woke later that night
i found i couldnt allow myself to say a word to min
and i didn't for the remainder of the night
and she didn't say anything either
and i stayed out of the room as much as possible
my latest addiction not being enough to prompt me to stay inside

and only when she was good and asleep did i come back
and here i am

and tomorrow. or rather later today. i am not going to church.
mainly because i dont want to go with her
and they probably don't have rides since its a holiday
and i'm wearing boxers for crying out loud because i have yet to do my laundry >___>
yeah... getting on that...
tomorrow.

I want someone to make me his priority or at least one of his priorities...

I understand that other people have other things to do.. and that life gets in the way.. and that I can't expect them to think about me all the time.. Yeah I know I can't expect that. That's why I DON'T. But it still hurts when you're stood up or your friends don't call you or you're always pushed back for something or someone else..

I think that's why I want a boyfriend soooo bad. I just need someone SOMEONE to make me his priority.. I don't like not even coming second.. I'm always so disappointed by people and I tell myself that it's okay, that this happens all the time and I should KNOW that I'm not that important but it hurts so fucking much...

And whenever I feel this way.. I just want to shut down and keep to myself or keep my relationships shallow. I keep getting burned.. I push people away and most of the time they don't even realize I'm doing it and I tend to be the one in more pain in the end.

I want people to just reach out and grab me and hold on to me even when I run away.. No one does though. And I can't blame them. I'm just not that important.

I wanted to be comforted today and I looked at my phone but there was no one to call.. Because a few weeks before I went through and deleted all the phone numbers of people I either didn't need or needed too much. Yes, even people I'm dependent on.. Because they don't need me like I need them and I'm being too much of a burden and even if they don't realize they've done something to make me feel like I'm burdensome they have in some way done that.

I want so desperately for someone to want me, to love me, to want to have me near. Not even in the boyfriend/girlfriend context.. Just someone who can do that for me without all the ties involved with those labels.. If I can just have THAT I'll be good.

I want to be loved so much.......

So I'm kind of over that whole boy-crazy thing. I mean I still want one but all that pain shit I was talking about is SO over.

School is.. Well I've been very active in everything OTHER than school.. LOL Like going to KCCC and KCM (both on campus Korean Christian groups) and going to church and doing church related activities as well as getting involved in Taiko and KSDT on-campus radio...

I've been skipping a LOT of class.. Last week I only went to 2 besides discussion classes. lol.. and I got a 50% on my math quiz but it was only 2 questions!! >__<;; (basic Sharon mistake. no worries ^^;; )

I think I wanna drop Taiko though (lol before they drop me) It's too much of a hassle and a lot of my other activities are going to interfere with it and I'm not willing to make it my priority..

They said IF we make the team they would be expecting 10hours a week from us.. and I can NOT give that. Plus I went to the 4 hour practice and that was gruelling as well as unbelievable boring.. I'm STILL feeling it.. T___T Could barely walk this morning.. But yeah.. I think I'm done with it. LOL 3 dollars for the stick.. T___T waste! waste!!

Korean guys are bitches. *eyeroll*

My suitemates and roommates are bitches. Especially the Korean girl.. She whines and whinges all live long day with her fake smiles and hearing problem ARGH!! >___<++ But um.. Shit, I'm supposed to forgive.. ^^ Be more generous with people because I KNOW I get on peoples nerves hee hee~ Anyhow, yeah.

So life's like this.

so um basically i asked another guy out and i got turned down again. it wasn't a straight out turn-downish thing.. he was trying to psycho-analysis me again @___@;; I KNEW he would get into that. It'd be better if he was just like "No." but whatever.. XDD So um yeah I basically screwed myself over again.

Shit man. I don't know why I keep doing this shit to myself over and over again. T____T I just like hurting myself I guess. It's a beautiful feeling. Pain.

XDD Umm But I'm not gonna like kill myself over it. I mean I understand.. But I can't help but hate myself again. For being like this. And I think my self-esteem was kicked in the face again.. it's so smushed and mashed up now T___T I'm so glad that my roommates aren't here right now. I like being left alone to kind of just wallow in my sorrow.


Fuck though. Just fuck. I keep hearing I shouldn't be LOOKING for a relationship but I can't damn help it. I just feel like there's a huge void in me that can only be filled by a relationship of some sort. And it's eating away at me because I've had it in me for soooo long.

Agggh my heart hurts. It hasn't hurt this bad since 8th grade ROFL XDD Whatever~ It's just the disgrace of being turned down. Not that I really truly liked him and I know he knew that.

Meh. MEEEEH. Couldn't he just accept all of that? And just let it flow the way I wanted? Couldn't he have just gone with it although he knew all of my motives? Even if he couldn't give me what I wanted... I just... Wanted SOMEONE. And.. And..

Just FUCK Y'ALL. XPP Guys suck COCK.

XDDD This is college, that's why we're up at all hours of the night/dawn watching anime and Korean music videos and NOT doing our homework!!! LOL

Dude... I'm SO bad. Geez you thought high school was bad? NOT EVEN. I don't even go to class sometimes.. and it's bloody Week 1!! ROFLMAO!!!

heh... ^^ heh heh heh~

Soooo much work~ lol..(not true~ not true~ at least not yet~) And everyone is sooo diligent around me it's kind of scary @___@ kowaiidesu~ LOL

but I'm glad to have find my "kind" in my dorm building *____* we's soo Asian foo!! XDD yeah yeah yeah~ Asian's fn kick ass!!

I've been hanging out on the 2nd floor in the guy's suite more than my own though ROFL they're all really sweet and funny and just really cool~ ^^ dude my mom would FREAK OUT if she found out that I was hanging out with boys at all hours of the night... ROFL!! But I don't think I have much to worry about so ^^;;

They's all the nerdy types~ XDD

Kyaaa!! But I found a REALLY REALLY pretty/cute guy but he's a 2nd year at Muir, lives off campus AND has a girlfriend he calls "yqueen" T___T BUT WHATEVER!!! I WILL become close to him anyways.. Because one of the guys on 2nd floor KNOWS him ohohhohohohoho~~!!! Dude but I became friends with the 2nd floor guy BEFORE finding out that little important fact so YOU CANT JUDGE ME!!!! LOL! ^____^ ack! He's sooo HOT!! He's sooo pale I can see his veins by his jawline~ They're green and pretty~ *____* I want to touch it... ^^

Dude but like I don't eat during the day but I like frickin eat pizza and shit at night T___T because we have a 2nd year in our suite and she works at like Round Table and brings SHITLOAD of goodies for us like beautiful beautiful pizza and yesterday even garlic-cheesy bread *____* ohohohoho yeah~ But ummm because of that I sleep late to let my innards digest the greasy goodness before I go to bed and get FAT. So like ... I slept TODAY at like 4 in the morning ROFL And I had a 9 o clock class... I SWEAR to GOD that the teacher is gonna recognize me soon because I'm the asian girl that always strolls in late... (or doesn't come in at all LOL!!!) sooo bad~

Love joo?! <333 jaa~

Today I just want to be left alone.. I don't want anyone to call me.. I want to wallow in my sorrow for just a bit more. Before this feeling fades and I forget about my pain once more.

I seriously think I may be masochistic. XD;;

I want to cut off all ties with unnecessary people again.. Like I did in the summer after 8th grade. Guys are becoming too much involved in my life. I need to seperate myself once again because I can't get what I want this way.

I shouldn't get emotionally involved with any of them. They're just there like my suitemates are just there. And hopefully they'll give me free food one of these days... I don't know. But other than that I don't want them to be anything more to me. I don't want to call them friends anymore.. I want to push everyone into the acquaintance category.. It's too close, too close. And I'd be better off without them...

I think I'm just going to ignore their calls from now on... ^^

I'm okay, really. I'm happy, really...

Alright so I now am an official college student.. And it STILL hasn't hit me. ROFL!! I feel so strange because I'm so calm abou this.. it's either I've not accepted reality yet or I've already adjusted to it.. ^^;; I live in my own dream world~

Okay but hell if there weren't some hot guys around here~ *drool* Nice nice eye candy floating around. Of course I've only been the crazy one-time stalker that I am and just have been taking pictures and trying to be buddies instead of wanting something more from um but hey, you just gotta know your limits in life right? XDD

If it happens, it happens. I'm not going to do anything to help things along~ ^^ Too lazy and jaded~

It's annoying to live with sooo many girls >___<+++ I LIKE being by myself and I LIKE being weird. GEEZ. >___>;;

Whatever I am SO over them. I just have to live like I always have becaus that's the most comfortable for moi~ ^^

Dude but the Korean chick whose my roommate sticks too much to me and is getting on my last nerve ordering me around and shit. And whenever I'm like "Shiiit no, do it yourself" she always frowns and has this "WTF" expression like "Why are you like that?" and shit but geez if she's not a bitch. XDD But there's no way to get rid of her so I just have to bear with it for a long long while I suppose... T__T I'm more comfortable with guys and I feel like she just gets in the damn way. >___> Sarcastic little bugger she is. *slap*

everyone just goawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoAWAY~~!!!! >___<;; I want my old friends baaaack~ *clings to Jessica and Todd* I never thought I'd act like this.. >__>;

W00t! I'm so excited it's FINALLY here!! XDD Most of the girls in this cycle are crap (like usual) but there are 2 girls I'm more than willing to root for!
1st is Jenah and the 2nd is Sarah (the not so plus sized plus sized girl). Jenah~~~!!! So frickin purty!! *_____*

Kyaack! It's gonna be on this Wednesday! XDD *happiness*

i'll start with the bad news. I went to a Korean dentist today after getting checked on Wednesday by another office and was shocked to find that I had 1 more cavity (not less) than what was told to me before. *___* 15... So I the lower right jaw filled today and I'm going to have to go 2 more times to get the rest done. The korean dentist has more high-techy stuff *_____* so i felt okay about everything. XDD no knock-out gas for me though because none of them had hit the nerves yet. Still all I could hear in my head was "drill----drill-drill...." Now I brush my teeth after I eat or drink anything >___<;;

Good news. My internet is back up and running! I'm sure none of knew that it was down in the first place but it went down yesterday XDD;; And I had to switch out my old modem with a new one. I jacked a pretty one from the roommate-girl in my mom's apt. heh... XD;; I don't want to give it up *____* It's just so purty.. AND we got HER internet working too. SO whatever--- She can't complain anymore XPP (Can you tell I dislike her? Yeah cuz I dislike her. >____> But she doesn't know it. Sssh.)

So yeah I'm chewing with only my left side. oh joy. And I can't have cake anymore. Double joy.

I don't know, maybe it's just me but don't you feel sometimes that your name isn't really your name? Like it doesn't fit you or it looks strange on the mail addressed to you? I find it really hard to say my name when introducing myself. I say it "Shay-ren", well kind of, and it sounds weird because I'm always thinking "Am I saying it right?" @____@; Maybe it's because I don't say it often... Although it's not like people go around saying their name all the time.. XDD

I don't think 'Sharon' is me. It's just a label for me.

lol this all coming from reading my name in Todd's LJ. hahaha~ I was like "o____O my name looks funny.. it's funny that it's referring to me. Sharon.. Sharon... I sound white. x___X"

heh... i like wearing face masks and peeling it off bit by bit when they're all dry and cracky... hee hee

I got shot!! >___< well with a needle... to take out my blood.. T_____T At least I didn't have to get a TB one.. Silly mother. I fear TEH NEEDLE.

I hafta lose weight. Because I'm FAT for my height. T____T I can do it! lose 10 lbs. >____> My BMI is 24. I want 20~ XDD Starvation~~ Starvation~~

I admit I'm a bad story teller. But I like it. I want more people to like it. T____T

To be a STICK.

ha... I got put in the Africa Hall at ERC.

Omg the irony. XDDD

Not that I'm racist or anything but you know what I mean. ^^;; All my quips and things like that.

Uh... Yeah and I got stuck in a triple SUCKS. Hope I don't have bottom bunk T____T At least I'm sharing my space with another Kim (YAY!) but like... my other roommate is sooo White!! Even her last name is sooo white! It's frickin WHITESIDE. I feel kind of bad for her actually... >___> being stuck in a room with two Asian-Asian's. Well, who knows? I shouldn't be presumptous. They could become the best of friends for all I know and leave me out in the cold *sniffle* T______T

Love me?

Why did Nightline have to feature a segment interviewing Pete Wentz? Why the hell were they intereseted in what was on his playlist anyway? Slow news week? Geez... But because of that I fell hard for a lot of the Fueled by Ramen crew... T____T

The last song featured during the interview was the Gym Class Heroes - Clothes Off! and they showed a little clip of the music video and of course it was so damn catchy that the little refrain followed me around for like a week and I actually broke down yesterday and looked for it on YouTube. And repeated it like 50 million times.

The person singing the chorus is Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy. I avoided FOB like the plague but now I really had no excuse not to like them anymore. It was Gaby's negative bias against them that colored my perception of them afterall. So now I like FOB.

And then on the related videos section of YouTube I saw a video for "Everything We Had" by The Academy Is..., clicked, and drooled over William Beckett. Okay so truthfully I was drawn to them because of the sexy, skinny, lanky vocalist but after downloading Santi (their latest album) I have to say I haven't deleted a track yet. They're all really good @_____@

I'm thinking about buying it. Oooo my first English album since 7th grade... XDD

OMFG I can't believe what a retard I was! XDD
I spelled "honey" the Hundred Acres way and didn't even realize it was spelled wrong until I typed it on MSword. omg... I need schooling pronto.

HUNNY

*dies*

Comment and I'll give you a letter. In your journal, list 10 of your favorite songs that begin with that letter. nilla_cookie gave me R for Ramen XDD



1. Run to You - Izi
2. Rush - Lexy feat. TaeYang (Big Bang)
3. River Flows in You - Yiruma
4. Rock You - OLIVIA inspi' REIRA (Trapnest)
5. Rose - ANNA inspi' NANA (Black Stones)
6. Recorded Butterflies - OLIVIA inspi' REIRA (Trapnest)
7. Rainy Days Never Stays (album mix) - The Brilliant Green
8. Rising Sun - TVXQ
9. Rasen - Nana Kitade
10. Renai Spirits - Chatmonchy

Found through jiro_haha

Although it's stupid ^^;; It's apparently the "meaning" of our last names. I LOLed.

A: you like to drink.
B: you like people.
C: you are really silly.
D: one in a million.
E: great in bed.
F: you are dead sexy.
G: you never let people tell you what to do.
H: you have a very good personality, looks and a very good kisser.
I: great in bed.
J: people adore u.
K: you're wild and crazy.
L: unbelievably great in bed.
M: great in bed.
N: you like to drink a LOT.
O: awesome kisser.
P: you are popular with all types of people.
Q: you are hypocrite.
R: fuckin crazy. (in a fun way)
S: easy to fall in love with.
T: you're loyal to those you love.
U: you are really silly.
V: you are not judgmental.
W: you are very broad minded.
X: you never let people tell you what to do.
Y: best boy/girl friend any one can ask for.
Z: always ready.



My meaning:

K: you're wild and crazy.
I: great in bed.
M: great in bed.


LOL. So all the Kim's in the house say hey~ ho~

It's amazing. I actually sat down and am DOING something.

I drew fanart, yay!!! ^^ you guys don't realize just how relieved and proud I am of it... I didn't draw for a while, seriously and of my own free will, so I was scared that I couldn't draw anymore. But I managed to actually draw something pretty presentable. ^^

It's not done and I don't know how I want to finish it yet. I made a scan (LOL) and I'm trying out things on the scan before applying it to the original. Smart, huh? ^^ Oh how I love thee technology~

Yay, I made a drawing that isn't just a face!! ^^ My character has arms!! Well, an arm..since the position is that way... But it's an arm!! And he has a hand~! AND LEGS!! ^^ W00T!!

Edit: ( The unfinished product~ )

I was tagged by nilla_cookie

1. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
2. Tag seven people to do the same.
3. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag whoever wants to do it.




1. I seem to have something against rap/hip-hop by African-American males but nothing against females or hip-hop in Asia or even Latin America XDD;; I like certain songs by Missy Elliot and Ciara but shun all things Snoop Dog and etc. Also some of my favorite songs of the moment are of the hip-hop genre (i.e. Lexy - Rush ft. TaeYang of Big Bang, Lexy - Haneulwiroh, Jang Woo Hyuk - One Way, Jang Woo Hyuk - S Scenario) but they're all Asian Hip-hop. XDD Oh but I can stand collabs. Like Rihanna - Umbrella; I could stand Jay Z's rapping. And Timbaland doesn't bother me too much when he's collabing with Justin Timberlake or Nelly Furtado. ^^;; I just don't like it when they're by themselves for some odd reason. XDD It gets annoying.

2. I like nonsensical anime that have really cute characters. But the majority of those animes have a largely male fanbase ^^;; I mean, there's a fair amount of fanservice and sexual references in the anime I like although that's not why I enjoy them ^^;;; Recently I've been watching (and loving) Lucky Star (!!!), Seto no Hanayome (!!), and Nagasarete Airantou (!). Most of the episodes are so cute~ And they're frickin hilarious to boot! ^^

3. I really really really HATE Chinese food. I mean the REAL kind. Not the Korean kind, not the Westernized kind, but the REAL kind. I like sweet and sour beef and have cravings for black-sauce noodles but those are all fake Chinese food. I really can't stomach the real stuff at Chinese restaurants @_____@;;

4. I just forgot what I was doing hahahaha~ I wrote the heading for #3 and went off and did something else and TOTALLY forgot that I was in the middle of doing this thing. XDD;; I tend to be really forgetful, it's more like I'm careless though. I forgot my purse at a restaurant once and only realized it when we were dropped off at our apartment. We had to go all the back to the restaurant to go pick it up XDD; Hee hee~

5. I tend to dislike eating food that comes from the ocean. They're all such a pain to eat @_____@;; Clams, oysters, lobsters, crabs, shrimp, fish... SOOO ANNOYING!!! I'll only eat them if all the bones and exo-skeletons are removed for me. And I dislike clams, oysters, and fish in general. Which kind of ties in with #3 as most Chinese food deals with seafood... >___>

6. I like and want pets that my mom HATES with a passion. I want a snake (a HUGE anaconda or python), a cat (they're sooo pretty!! I want an orange tabby scottish-fold munchkin with blue or green eyes, a munchkin blue-point birma, and a completely black slim short-hair alley-type cat), and a BIG dog (Alaskan Huskies~!!! <333). My mom says that snakes and cats are pets of the DEVIL and wants nothing to do with them calling them gross T_____T Ok, I can understand the snake but kitties aren't gross... And my mom is absolutely terrified of big dogs. Small lap dogs she likes but she can't stand big ones. Too bad for her. XP

7. I tend to harbor strong negative feelings for another person or party without them ever having to do anything to me. I form my opinions and dislike of another party just based on my biases and my pessimisms. Like I had no real reason to dislike Kikuchi, Arai, or they're band of lackies but I did and very obviously. And another more odd example, I don't want to go to a certain restaurant because of their adverstisements that use Korean celebrities to promote their establishment. XDD;; An odd sense of justice if you will~

I tag: doramatikku, retsujo_lullaby, shadow0nthehill, strangehead22, shiyasim, ssj3apri, and catchingrye

ARGH!! There are no cute people where I'm going!!! >_____<++++

For Christ's sake, is there not even 1 pretty person at UCSD?!?!

By people I mean guys.. of course. Finding cute girls isn't too hard >___>; (They make me feel like crap T___T)

BUT the GUYS! THERE ARE NO-BODY!!! >___> Spent an hour looking on facebook man. Sucks.

T___________________________T

Oh please let there be at least one cute kid in our dormitory, OH PLEASE~~~!!!! *prays*